im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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