I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize