so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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