Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize