I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
