I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
