On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
