maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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