Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
