all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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