And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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