i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The adults are the big ones right?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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