I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
