I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
