Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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