all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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