Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Randomize
