whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
