The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
