he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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