We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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