I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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