I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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