It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
