it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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