Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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