yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
