Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
