then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
