I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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