dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
