My room smells like vodka and shame
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize