I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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