My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
