Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
