It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
