glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He shit in the fireplace
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize