You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
