Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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