Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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