I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
