literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
