i barfeds in our rink
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
