my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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