Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
