I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
