apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
