we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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