Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
