I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize