You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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