So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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