There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
