...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
