I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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