Yo dont text me then not text me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
