I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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