Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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