Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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