we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
