Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize