He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
