We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
