dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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