can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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