Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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