Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
