A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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