this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
