I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
