i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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