so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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