If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
