it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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