Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
